


My Soul in Your Hands

by MichaelaLoell



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Blupjeans-centric with background Taakitz, Dissociation, Hurt/Comfort, Lup and Barry adjusting to being reapers, Multi, Panic Attacks, Reaper Squad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 05:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13804311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichaelaLoell/pseuds/MichaelaLoell
Summary: Kravitz had warned them that becoming a reaper was not a pleasant experience, and that there would be some adjustment, but Lup hadn’t quite understood how kind those words had been towards the affair until it was finally time.





	My Soul in Your Hands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littlegraybunny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlegraybunny/gifts).



> "I hope I meet the minimum word requirement for this exchange," I said, starting this fic. "YES, just a little under 400 words under the max word count, I made it fit!" I exclaimed, finishing this fic.
> 
> Sorry this is a week late, Ren, but here's some Blupjeans hurt/comfort, as you requested! Also sorry Kravitz kept interrupting, it's hard to control that boy.

Lup was no idiot by any means, so she knew that she and Barry were going to have to answer for their crimes against death sooner or later, now that they’d finally found a plane to settle into.  They’d run into plenty of planes with rules against necromancy and enforcers of such rules before, and with the fact that her brother was currently dating one such enforcer, she figured that it’d come sooner.

It was a quiet evening a few days after the Day of Story and Song when Kravitz came to visit them in the dorm on the Bureau moonbase that they were currently staying in until they found a more permanent residence.  Taako was also with them, of course, because he was staunchly refusing to leave his sister’s side for hardly a moment, like she’d disappear into thin air if she left his sight.  They were just sitting down to enjoy a dinner (home-cooked by Taako with input from Lup, who couldn’t do much to physically help with the prep in her current spectral state) when a rift opened into the kitchen, followed closely by Kravitz entering a little hesitantly.

“Hello, I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” he said as he stepped down onto solid ground.

Taako visibly lit up at this appearance, setting the tray of dinner rolls he’d been taking out of the oven down and all but sprinting to his side.  He hadn’t seen him since the near-miss with the apocalypse, since Kravitz had had a lot of work to do with collecting souls that had gotten lost when the astral plane had been closed off, so it was understandable for him to be excited to finally see him again.  “Not at all, handsome, you’re actually just in time to have the best damn fettuccine alfredo you ever had in your life or death,” he declared, snaking his arms around Kravitz’s waist.

Kravitz smiled and let himself be drawn into a kiss before pulling back.  “That sounds amazing, but I’m actually here to see your sister and Barry,” he said, glancing over Taako’s shoulder at the indicated people.

“Well shit, Skele-man, that’s cool, but can we eat while we go over whatever punishment your bird-lady has for us?  Alfredo sauce is no good reheated,” Lup said, despite the fact that she herself couldn’t eat.

Kravitz’s mouth twitched into a slight frown at the less-than-respectful way Lup referred to his goddess, but he nodded in agreement.  “Of course, I wouldn’t want all of your hard work to go to waste,” he replied, moving to sit at the table.  Taako released his grip on him, going to place the rolls into a basket for the table.

Once everyone was seated (or floating in the general space of a chair, in Lup’s case) Barry was the first one to speak up.  “So, uh, I don’t suppose it helps our situation to state that we didn’t exactly have nefarious intentions with becoming liches?” he asked.

Kravitz sighed.  “She knows your intentions already, she got the same story that everyone else in the world got that day.”  He reached forward to grab a roll as he spoke.  “It’s not so much about that is it is about fairness,  She can’t exactly just choose not to enforce the laws on some people and not others, regardless of intentions.  And becoming liches is a pretty big law to break.”

“So what’s that mean for us, then?” Lup asked, tilting her head in curiosity.

“Well, normally infractions of that magnitude are dealt with being put in the eternal stockade, as the perpetrators are deemed too dangerous to join the rest of the dead in the sea of souls-”

“But that’s not going to happen.” Taako cut in sharply, turning to Kravitz.  “Right?  They’re not going to ghost jail for doing something to try to protect the crew and therefore  _ all of existence  _ from The Hunger.  That’s fucking ridiculous.”

“I- well,” Kravitz floundered for a moment, which caused Taako to narrow his eyes at his boyfriend.  “That’s what I’m trying to prevent, yes,” he eventually settled on.  “I’ve been thinking, and I think I may have come up with a solution that may please the Raven Queen while also keeping you two out of the stockade, but I’ll need you both to be on board with it before I take it to her.”

“Alright, well what’s the deal then?” Lup asked.

Kravitz took a deep breath before he spoke again.  “I may be able to convince the Raven Queen to let you pay off your debt to her by serving in her ranks as reapers, instead of being locked up.”  He paused for just a moment before continuing on.  “That way you’ll be able to come and go freely from the astral and material planes, and therefore still be around for your family, but also you’ll be close enough for the Raven Queen to keep and eye on, and still be paying for your crimes in a sense.”  Kravitz sat back and looked from Lup to Barry, waiting for a response for his proposition.

“So, we’d be cracking down on people who do pretty much the same thing we did?” Barry finally said.

“Um, well, kind of, yes, but-”

“I’ll do it,” Lup declared, immediately shutting Kravitz up.  Barry looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

“You sure, babe?  I mean it could be kinda hypocritical of us, also like no offense,” he said, turning to Kravitz, “But you’re kind of, y’know,  _ dead _ and all.”

“Well, no offense, but so are you two, for all intents and purposes,” Kravitz retorted.

“Fair enough.”

“Bear,” Lup said, reaching over and laying her spectral hand over Barry’s flesh one.  “This deal would mean that we can still be with the people we love.  It means we can still  _ live. _  It means that we can help keep bad people from doing bad things and hurting more people.  I’m all for all of those things, so I’m all for this idea.”

Barry looked into where Lup’s eyes should be, seeming to mull it over in his head before he shrugged and turned back towards Kravitz, saying, “Alright, I guess we’re both in then.”

“Okay, good,” Kravitz said, smiling.  “I’ll have to propose the idea to the Raven Queen, and we’ll have to see what she says about it, but it’s a place to start, I think.”

A comfortable silence fell over the table as everyone returned to their food before Taako suddenly gasped, letting his fork fall against his plate with a mighty clatter.  “Holy shit,” he exclaimed, “Do you know what I just realized?”

“What?” asked Lup.

“If you two are actually doing this and becoming reapers, then I’m the last one standing of the BLT Trio!” he declared with a grin.  “I win the deadpool once and for all!  You suckers owe me money!”

Kravitz gaped while Lup and Barry groaned.  “You all have got to have the strangest perspective about death I’ve ever seen in mortals,” he said with a bit of astonishment.

“I mean to be fair,” Barry replied, raising his wine glass.  “We haven’t really been able to think of ourselves as really ‘mortal’ in a while.”

* * *

 

Kravitz went to the Raven Queen with his suggestion the next day, taking Barry and Lup along with him.  Lup might have assumed that a man appearing before the goddess of death to ask her for a boon may be a nervous wreck and sweating bullets, pacing, or generally showing any outward signs of anxiety, but Kravitz seemed perfectly at ease and like this was just simply another day at the office as they made their way past the heavy stone doors and into the mighty, freezing cold throne room.

The floor before them was a checkered pattern of black stone and white marble, and the room was flanked on either side by tall columns carved out of night-black obsidian.  The columns led up to the end of the long room, where a massive and ornate throne sat, carved out of that same obsidian into various creature’s skulls and feathery, bird-like shapes that seemed suspended in flight.

And in that throne, sat her.

The Raven Queen was truly a sight to behold, so beautiful that it made you want to stare at her until you turned to dust, but also so absolutely horrible and terrifying that it made you want to cower and tear yourself away, never looking up from the ground again for fear that you’d see something that ghastly again.  Lup found herself trying to find a median between these two, finally choosing to stare at a pattern in the dark, marbled wall behind the throne, keeping the Queen in her peripheral.

Kravitz led them into the room, walking about halfway down to her throne before stopping to take a knee, bowing his head in respect.  Lup and Barry followed suit behind him, glad to finally take their eyes off of the goddess before them, but also equally remorseful to not have her in their sight anymore.   “My Queen,” Kravitz addressed her.

“Kravitz,” she replied in a voice that sounded like a thousand birds of varying kinds and breeds speaking out at once.

Out of the corner of her eye Lup could see Kravitz raise his head to speak to the Raven Queen, but Lup chose to keep hers down, no matter how much it made her heart ache at the thought of missing a chance to glimpse the goddess again.  “I’ve brought you the liches known as Lup and Barry Bluejeans to face your divine judgement,” he said, gesturing behind him at Lup and Barry, who Lup could see had his face raised, staring at the Raven Queen in wonderment and terror.

“Thank you, Kravitz, you are dismissed,” she said in her melodic, shrieking voice.  For just a moment terror seized Lup entirely, and though she had no physical heart to speak of, she swore she could hear her nonexistent blood pumping in her ears.  _  No, _ she thought.   _ No, we’re supposed to have a deal, Kravitz had said he’d try to help us- _

“A-actually, my Queen, I was wondering if I could be of service in deciding their punishment?” Kravitz said, voice hardly wavering.  Were Lup not battling down an all-consuming fear, she might have wondered how long exactly Kravitz must have worked under the Raven Queen to be able to speak so boldly towards her.

“My child, you know very well what the punishment for breaking the sovereign contract of death to become a lich is,” she said.  “There is nothing to decide.”

“Yes, but also we can’t ignore that this is no usual case of lichery,” Kravitz pressed.  “You heard the story, they didn’t use any sacrifices of other living beings but their own.  They found ways to bend magic to distort what would normally require perverse necromancy into a magic to help them protect the whole of reality.”

“Surely you’re not suggesting that I simply let them go with no consequence because they only meant well-”

“Of course not, your majesty,” Kravitz interrupted, which made Lup physically wince.  “But I am suggesting that we make some exceptions in light of the circumstances, like you did for the emissaries of Istus.”

There was a pause after that, an agonizing, unbearable pause where the only sound was Barry’s shallow breathing, as he was the only one in the throne room that actually needed to draw breath.  Eventually though the Raven Queen responded.  “The emissaries of Istus,” she parroted, but instead of hearing the anger, disgust, and indignation Lup expected to hear from a Goddess who’d been disrespected in such a way by her charge, she instead heard a hint of what she could almost swear was  _ amusement. _  “Of course, I see.  Well speak now, Kravitz, what would you suggest for these two instead of the stockade?”

* * *

 

Kravitz had warned them that becoming a reaper was not a pleasant experience, and that there would be some adjustment, but Lup hadn’t quite understood how kind those words had been towards the affair until it was finally time.

It took place the day after she got her physical form back.  That morning she woke up tangled up with Barry, comfortable and wrapped in blankets, soft and warm for the first time in a decade, and she allowed herself a few minutes of just lying there, feeling his breathing, feeling her own breathing, and just soaking in the pure _ joy _ of it before leaning up and waking Barry with a soft, sleepy kiss.

Barry groaned a little in tired confusion before opening his eyes and smiling softly when he took in the sight in front of him.  “Hey,” he said, his voice a hoarse whisper.

Lup giggled in response and kissed him again.  “Hey,” she repeated.

“I could get used to waking up like this,” Barry said, pulling Lup closer to him.

Lup snuggled up closer and hummed happily.  “Good, you better, because I have no plans of waking up anywhere else ever again.”

“It’ll be just like old times,” Barry said quietly, his breath ghosting across Lup’s lips.  She nodded in agreement.

“Just like old times.”

They stayed there for a few more minutes, just soaking in each others’ presence and enjoying the stillness of it all, before finally Lup pulled away and sat up with a groan.  “C’mon Bear, we gotta get going,” she said.  As she pulled away Barry reached forward and gently took her hands in his.

“Aw, five more minutes?” he begged.

Lup shook her head as she swung her arms a little, swinging their linked hands as she did so.  “We already had five more minutes, if we stay here any longer we’re gonna be late, and Krav’s death momma already doesn’t like us.”

“I wouldn’t say she doesn’t like us, I think she’s just like that, to be honest,”  Barry said, but he sat up nonetheless.

“Well still, showing up late on the first day isn’t exactly a good way to start a new job,” Lup pointed out as she stood and walked over to the dresser.

“Okay, fair point,”  Barry agreed.

It didn’t take long for them to get ready and have a quick breakfast of ham and cheese omelettes before Kravitz arrived via rift again, which Lup was quickly learning was just his default mode of transportation.

“Everybody ready to get going?” He asked the pair.  Barry shrugged in reply.

“As ready as we can be, I guess.”

“Wait,” Lup said, holding up her hand in a halting gesture.  “Is whatever we’re wearing right now going to be our death-cop uniform for the rest of eternity?  Because if so then I want to go change to sweatpants.  Like no offense, but your whole suit motif doesn’t seem like it’d be too comfy after a few hundred years.”

Kravitz frowned slightly, hand subconsciously coming up to rest on the lapels of his suit.  “No, you can change clothes just like you normally would, or even construct new ones.”  He paused for a moment, before adding, “And my suits aren’t  _ uncomfortable.” _

“Dude, I’m yanking your chain, relax,” Lup said, patting Kravitz’s shoulder.  “If anything I appreciate your dedication to your aesthetic.”

“Yes, well, thank you,” Kravitz said, awkwardly, before stepping aside and gesturing to the still-open rift behind him.  “After you, I guess, if we’re all good.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re all good,” Lup said, taking a deep breath.  She felt Barry’s hand grasp hers, giving a comforting squeeze that she reciprocated before stepping forward and into the Astral plane.

Barry followed immediately after her, their hands still linked, and Kravitz followed after him, the rift closing behind them as soon as they were all through.  The astral plane was exactly as it had been the last time they were there - cold, silent, and still all around except for the ever-moving sea of departed souls that ebbed and flowed in the distance.  Kravitz led the way to the Raven Queen’s palace again, but this time Barry and Lup could follow more confidently, as they’d been this route before now.

The Queen was waiting for them in the throne room again, this time standing at attention before her throne.  It hurt even more this time to look at her, Lup thought, feeling the physical ache in her chest of love at her beauty, and stomach-churning terror all at once.  She wondered if maybe having a physical body this time made it worse, or if it was something that just felt more intense after having been away from her presence again.

“Welcome, I trust you both are ready for the ritual?” she asked Lup and Barry after they bowed in greeting.

“Oh yeah, had a big breakfast before and all,” Lup said, part of her mind immediately admonishing herself for speaking to a goddess,  _ her new boss, _ in this way.

The Raven Queen seemed unphased by her sarcasm, though, only nodding and saying “Good, then we can go ahead and proceed, follow me.”  She then stepped forward and led them towards a door to the right of the throne, her movements as smooth and graceful as a dance.  They followed her into the room and found themselves standing in front of a great altar, also carved in the characteristic obsidian and adorned with many golden embellishments and jewels in deep red, burgundy, and purple tones.  It was also constructed of birds of many kinds like the throne, though at the center stood a tall, proud-looking raven with eyes of brilliant rubies, and in front of it sat a huge, smooth, flat slab of obsidian.

The Raven Queen led them towards the altar, taking perch behind the giant raven, which animated and extended its wings to make it appear like a podium that was about to take flight.  She indicated the slab before it.  “Please step forward and kneel before me.”

Lup felt Barry squeeze her hand briefly again, and she noted that it was probably to help ground himself as much as it was to help her.  She returned the squeeze again before dutifully walking forward and crossing to the center of the slab, where she and Barry obediently knelt.  She saw Kravitz walk over to the Queen’s side and kneel facing them, and she briefly wondered if they were supposed to avert their eyes or look down before the Rave Queen spoke again, interrupting her thoughts.

“Lup and Barry Bluejeans, you both have broken the very laws of life and death, choosing to shed your souls from your bodies and bind them to magic in order to live longer than fate had intended you able to.  You must pay atonement to me for these infractions.

“However, given the motive behind these actions, and out of gratitude for your help in the survival of this world, I am offering you a different fate than that of the eternal stockade.  As my reapers you are expected to uphold the natural cycle of life and death, as well as live in accordance with them.  You will be my bounty hunters, an extension of my hand, tracking down and bringing in those who choose to disrupt this cycle so that they may face my judgement.  Do you accept this sacred duty?”

“Yes,” Lup said at the same time that Barry said “We do.”

The Raven Queen nodded subtly, before continuing on.  “I will now take your souls from your mortal bodies and remake you whole again in my flesh, so that you may serve me for as long as I need you to, unaffected by time or age.”

Lup clenched her jaw in anticipation.  This was the part that Kravitz had said was the most unpleasant.  She watched as the Raven Queen extended her arm over the raven podium’s head, and tried to prepare herself for what was coming.

She could never have been prepared.

Lup had already felt once before what it felt like to have your soul ripped and torn out of your living flesh.  She knew that pain intimately, and it haunted her sleep for years to come.  Now that she was feeling it again she realized that her nightmares had never been able to feel just as excruciating as the real thing was.  She could feel every nerve in her body ignite, like she was on fire and freezing and being electrocuted all at the same time.  She felt like every cell that she comprised of was being ripped apart, like she was being shredded into microscopic ribbons.  She no longer had a head, a torso, or limbs, only pain and pain and pain…

And then suddenly it stopped, and for a moment Lup thought that maybe she had just died, her body and soul unable to survive the torture, but her senses slowly seeped back to her and she realized that she was standing now, still on that slab, in front of the Raven Queen and the altar.  Her mouth tasted vaguely of ash and sulfur, but otherwise she seemed to feel fine.  Fine, but...different.  Off.  Like everything was too still, and like her limbs were heavier than they should be.  She looked down at her hands and flexed her fingers experimentally.  Everything seemed to be in working order.  She glanced over to her left to Barry, catching his eyes as he did the same.  He gave her a small reassuring smile, which made Lup smile in kind, and then suddenly she was rocked forward a little as she felt her heart clench painfully for a moment before stuttering out a sluggish, almost unsure beat.  _  Huh, _ she thought.  _  Interesting. _

“Welcome, my children, to my retinue,” the Raven Queen spoke, commanding Lup’s attention forward.  She wasn’t certain, but it seemed like there was almost the ghost of a smile on her grotesque, divinely alluring face.

* * *

 

Barry and Lup seemed to take to reaping like ducks to water.  They were already used to feeding off of each other in a fight, and it didn’t take too long for them to include Kravitz in their rotation.  Barry’s knowledge of the necromantic arts proved to be invaluable in the field, and while Lup’s penchant for a grand, explosive entrance may not have thrilled Kravitz at first, it was undeniable that she was a master at intimidation.  While there may have been a few hiccups at the start with Barry having to be gently reminded that he was to not be using necrotic magic anymore, even in battle, the three very quickly became a formidable team.

However, that didn’t mean that they didn’t have formidable enemies, and close calls with such.  It wasn’t uncommon for them to be injured on the job, coming home to Taako, who tutted and dressed their wounds while complaining loudly about how he’s “not a cleric, even if he has about the same healing abilities as Merle!”  What was less common, however, was the event that one of them would become so injured that they couldn’t maintain their physical form.  They’d seen it happen to Kravitz once while Lup’s body was still in the process of being grown.  A rift had opened in Taako’s kitchen, just like normal, but instead of the personification of “tall, dark, and handsome” stepping through to greet his boyfriend like normal, an orb of glowing light floated through instead.

Taako turned away from the stove, expecting his usual kiss hello, but when he took in the sight before him he faltered for a moment before planting his hands on his hips.  “So, some necromancer give you a run for your money, I take it?” he teased.  It would be hard for most people to see the tinge of genuine concern in Taako’s eyes at his teasing words.  Lup wasn’t most people.

“Lich, actually,” the orb, who was apparently Kravitz, responded, flashing as he spoke.  “I’m gonna rest up for a bit until I’m able to scrape together some reinforcements.”

“Yeah, be my guest, Glowy,” Taako said, before following it up with a tentative, “You gonna be good?”

“Yeah, I’ll be good,” Kravitz reassured him.  “Just gotta get my strength back up is all.”

“Good good, well, hopefully dinner will be ready by the time you can do that and get back from wasting this asshole,” Taako responded, turning back to his meal prep.

“I promise to not let it get cold before I’m home,” Kravitz said, floating up to Taako’s face and resting against his cheek for a moment.  Taako scrunched his eyes shut from the light, but the corner of his mouth quirked up into a small smile at the gesture.

“Yeah yeah yeah, get on out of here, you’re blinding me,” Taako said, swatting at the air near Kravitz with no real malice.  “You know where the bed is, go sleep, or whatever it is you do.”

“Of course I know where the bed is,” Kravitz teased, laughing and ducking out of the way out of the wooden spoon that was swung lightly in his direction.  “I’m going, I’m going!” he insisted, hovering out of the room in the direction of the staircase.

Silence hung in the kitchen for a couple of moments before Barry finally broke it.  “So, uh, what the hell was that?”

Taako then explained to them that when a reaper became too injured, they lost the energy to keep up their physical form and went into the astral form they just saw Kravitz in, in order to conserve and replenish their energy.  “He’s basically just at low battery right now,”  Taako explained.  “I saw him like that a couple times during our fight in Miller’s lab.  He’ll be fine in just a few.”

After Kravitz returned later that night from work, he explained in greater detail to Lup and Barry the different forms that Reapers have.  At their weakest there’s the astral form, which is the form that takes up the least energy to manifest.  “At that point you’re pretty much just an animate soul with no physical form,” he explained.  Second was the reaper form.  “This form is basically just your body animated.  And since I’ve been dead for a very, very long time mine just appears as a skeleton, meanwhile someone who was more recently deceased would appear much less cartoonish and more grotesque, as you can imagine.”  And finally, there was the construct form.  “This is basically just a projection of how you appeared in life.  It takes the most energy to manifest, but it’s not necessarily hindering.  Still, many choose to just use their reaper form in battle for the ease of it all, as well as an intimidation factor.”

Neither Lup nor Barry had ever been so depleted that they lost the ability to choose their forms, so far, though.  They usually had the upper hand for the most part, so injuries rarely ran that deep.  The bounty they were fighting today, though, was proving to be a particular pain in the ass.

“A whole undead army?  Really?  Just for lil’ ol’ us?  Wow, you must really be intimidated!” Lup taunted, swinging her scythe and connecting with two zombies that were hurriedly shambling her way.  “Barry, your left!” she called over, noticing a zombie creeping up on Barry’s blind side.  He swung his scythe down as he quickly turned, slicing the zombie in half diagonally.

“Thanks,” he grunted back, turning to face more targets.

“Oh, I’m just warming up,” the necromancer called, holding a bloodied, headless chicken in his hands from behind the altar that the horde of undead was guarding.   _ Really? _  Lup thought.   _ Could this guy get any more cliche? _

“You’re pissing me off is what you’re doing!” Lup snapped back, slamming the blunt end of her scythe into the skull of a zombie that was attempting to crawl towards her.  She saw the glint of a dagger falling out of the now double-dead being’s hand as it slumped to stillness.  Ugh, that was the thing that was difficult at the moment - about half of the zombies were also  _ armed. _

“You were only going to be brought in for minor offenses before you summoned a  _ legion of the undead, _ this was all incredibly unnecessary!” Kravitz groused in his horribly fake cockney accent as he cut through zombies on his way to the altar.

“Your efforts are useless, I’m much too powerful to be stopped by a few of the Raven Queen’s watchdogs!” the necromancer laughed, and  _ okay seriously, fuck this guy. _

“You’re a dollar store necromancer with sloppy tactics at best,” Barry responded, obviously also completely done with this guy’s bullshit.  Lup looked over to flash him a smile at his sick burn, but as she turned she could see three zombies advancing on Barry while his attention was drawn away.

“Bear, look out out!” she yelled, quickly running over to try to help him.  She managed to get there just in the nick of time to lay two of them to waste, and Barry took care of the third.  Before she could turn to  cover his flank, though, she felt a sudden sickening pain erupt from her back and abdomen.  She tried to shout, but she felt like all the air had been sapped from her lungs.

Barry looked up at her, and immediately his face fell into a look of shock and distress.  “Lup!” he shouted, and she could see him raise his arm and felt a blast of necrotic energy sail over her shoulder before her vision started to slip.

She wasn’t sure what it was, but something about that pain had felt somewhat familiar.  Not exactly the same, no, but something was tugging at the back of her mind.  He vision slipped slightly back into focus and she realized she was looking down.   _ She was looking down at the bloody point of a sword that was sticking out of her abdomen. _

Her vision slipped again, this time fading to all black, and Lup started to panic.  That’s what had seemed familiar.  The feeling of a cold metal sword at her back.  Her vision fading to black.  Losing her body and having her world become the inside of an umbrella.  Lup realized with horror that she couldn’t feel anything, like she didn’t have a body anymore.  No no no  _ no, _ not again, she couldn’t go through this again, please, no, this was supposed to be her happy ending, she’d earned this happy ending!

Lup screamed.  She wasn’t sure for how long, but she just let out as loud a shriek of fear, anger, and sadness as she could.  She channeled all of her energy into it, because what else could she do?  She was back, she was stuck here, and she had no idea how long it’d be until she was let out this time.  It could be another decade, or longer!  She could be trapped for centuries without anyone helping her.

She eventually stopped screaming, not because she had any throat or lungs to hurt anymore, but because she was just  _ tired. _  She didn’t have a body but she could still feel the exhaustion in her very soul, weighing her down and begging her to rest.  So that’s what she did.  She just stayed there, wherever “there” was, conserving energy by not even thinking about anything.

“You got him alright?”

“Yeah, he’s not going anywhere, you take care of the stragglers and then check on Lup.”

She was vaguely aware of the voices.  She could hear them, but they seemed far away and she couldn’t process what was being said or who was saying it.  There were a few minutes of silence punctuated occasionally by shuffling feet and something that sounded like meat connecting with a blade before the voices talked again.

“Hey there Lup, it’s okay, you’re okay.”  The voice sounded much closer now.  She wasn’t sure what the voice was saying, but it sounded vaguely familiar and gave her a feeling of comfort.  She liked this voice.

“How is she?” the other voice said, still sounding just as far away now as it did before.

“Still in her astral state.”

“I’m not really surprised, that screaming earlier probably used a lot of her energy, so it’s going to take her much longer to replenish herself than normal.”

“She’s not responsive at all.  I think she might’ve had a bad flashback and she’s not quite out of it yet.”

“Oh, that’s...that’s terrible.  I can take care of all the cleanup and paperwork, if you want to take her home right now?”

“You sure?  That would actually be a real big help.”

“Yeah, you go on home and wait for her to come back.  But Barry, real quick?  I’m going to have to talk to you later about your use of necromancy in the field today.  That was your second offense this month.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured.  This time I can swear it wasn’t premeditated though, it was just sort of a ‘heat of the moment’ thing.  Acted on gut instinct, there.”

“I know, just...just don’t do it again, okay?  I won’t report this one, but you need to be careful, I don’t want to have to be filing your paperwork one day.”

A heavy sigh.  “Yeah, I’ll try.  Thanks bud.”

“No problem, now head on out, I’ve got this covered.”

There was a sound like fabric ripping, and then after that it was pretty quiet.  Maybe some muffled footsteps here or there, a few murmured words, but nothing too loud to really cross Lup’s radar.  After so long though a noise did break the quiet.  A song, actually.  It sounded familiar and comforting, but also unfinished, like there was something else needed.  Like another instrument should be accompanying it.

Lup realized she recognized it, that she could play that melody in her sleep with the number of times she practiced it, and the number of times a certain night involving that song replayed in her mind.  She tried to focus on that song, to just latch on to the only sense that seemed strong at the moment.  It just seemed wrong to hear the song incomplete, though, so she started humming her part, the part that should be played by violin.  It comforted her.  She didn’t know where it was coming from, but she appreciated hearing such a familiar, grounding tune.  Not too long after she started humming along, though, the music faltered, much to her disappointment.  It was quickly replaced by a voice, though.  “Lup, Lup are you there?  Are you with me now?”

She had the mental strength to process the words now, and with a start she realized she recognized the voice of the person calling her name.  “Barry?” she asked.  She wondered if he could hear her.  She  _ hoped _ he could hear her.

“Yes, yes It’s Barry, I’m here!” he replied, and Lup felt like crying.  He’d heard her, he was here this was real and  _ he’d heard her! _

“Barry I’m trapped again, I can’t feel or see anything,” she said in a panicked voice, afraid that it’d been a fluke and that he might not hear her again.  “I need help!”

“No, Lup, you’re not trapped anymore, I swear,” he said, and that confused and annoyed Lup.  What did he mean she wasn’t trapped?  It felt just like it had last time.

“Yes I am!” she insisted.  “I don’t have a body and I can’t see anything and I’m all alone-”

“You’re not alone, Lup, I’m right here, and you’re not back in the staff,” he repeated, trying to reassure her.  “How would you be able to talk to me if you were?  I wouldn’t be able to hear you.”

Fair point.  “Then...then where am I?”

“We’re at home, in the living room.  You got hurt real, real bad during a reaper mission and you got sent back to your astral form.  You remember when Krav told us about the different forms a reaper has?”

Reaper.  That’s right, she was a reaper now, and they’d been fighting some cartoonish asshole necromancer.  “Y-yeah, I remember.”

“Good, good.  When you took that hit it pretty much put you at zero, and you screamed so loud I thought maybe you’d been hurt even worse than that.”  He paused, then asked, “H-have you tried looking around at all?  Just to check if you can or not?”

Lup paused for a moment.  Truth be told she hadn’t really, because she’d been so sure that she knew was was happening and so wrapped up in the despair of it all.  “Let me try,” she said.  Slowly she relaxed, trying to gather her energy and strength, and extended her senses out.  Slowly, a veil being lifted images appeared before her, and once again Lup felt the need to cry at how happy she was.  She could see that she was set on Barry’s lap on the piano bench that sat in front of the beautiful grand piano that look up about a third of their living room.  “Shit,” she exclaimed.  “Shit, Bear, I can see you.  I can see, fuck, I was so stupid-”

“Hey, hey, no, you weren’t stupid,” he assured, one hand coming down from the piano keys to rest against her.  She still couldn’t feel in this form, but it was a comforting gesture that she appreciated nonetheless.  “You were scared, and that’s understandable.”

“Fuckin’ sap,” she muttered, and the smile that earned her from Barry’s face made her feel warm even in this form.  “How long have I been like this?” she asked.

The smile faltered a little, and Barry answered, “Uh, about two hours, maybe two and a half-ish.”

“Fuck,” she said, surprised.  “I was expecting, like, ten minutes, twenty tops.”

“Yeah, it’s not exactly been a fun waiting game,” he replied.  “Think you’ve got your strength up to try a more solid form?”

“Yeah, I think I’m done being a spooky ghost orb now,” Lup responded.  “Just gimme a minute to figure it out.”

She floated off of Barry’s lap and over a clear space in the room, and then she thought about how she would change from her reaper form to her construct and vice-versa, and how it was like flexing a muscle.  She applied the same principle here, and concentrated on the form she wanted, and as easy as moving an arm she could feel her body knit itself together around her, and then there she was, perfectly fine and safe, standing in her own living room.

Overjoyed, Lup bounded back over to Barry and threw her arms around his neck in an excited embrace.  Barry laughed as he caught her, immediately returning the hug.  “There she is, there’s the most beautiful girl in the world!” he joked as Lup nuzzled her face into the cook of his neck.

“Her I am!” She laughed, feeling the heat of her breath warm his skin against her face.  She pulled back and started peppering Barry’s face with kisses, causing him to giggle and squirm in her grasp.  “Nope, I don’t care how ticklish you are, you’re not escaping my love, Barold!” she said, punctuating her statement with even more quick kisses.

“I didn’t say I wanted you to stop,” he laughed, eyes squeezed shut to protect them from the barrage of lips on his face.

Gods, Lup loved him.  She loved him so much it hurt.  

“Good, because I’m just getting started!” she declared before catching his lips in a sweet kiss that she hoped could even begin to express how much she loved this man.

That wouldn’t be the last time Lup would be caught in that form, not by a long shot, but every time after that was certainly easier, and it always helped to have the people she loved there for her when she came out of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is the longest oneshot I've ever written in my fucking life, and I banged it out in a little over a week. I'm gonna go collapse into a coma now, but I hope you enjoyed this goddamn monster of a fic! Special thank you to the TAZ Fic Writers Discord for making this possible, and especially thank you for all the word wars, I never would've finished this without them.


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